So today I'm all about trying to make my brother happy. It was his 16th bday party a month late. Well, long story short none of his friends could come. So we go to kidnap my co-dm and decide we'll hang out or something. Well, outta the blue he brings up things (bad painful memories I don't ever like visiting) I always assumed he didn't know. I stuttered at a lost for words. I mean how do I explain the past? Especially, a past that broke me for a long time but I have move on from and that will hurt him?
I know it's naive but I just want to act like it wasn't the nightmare it was. I don't want him to see the monsters in my closet, not when I fear they could hurt him too. They would change his life. Isn't ignorance supposed to be bliss?
So, I talk to a friend and I tell him about it all. I mean it's the first time my past as come spilling out my lips and on to someone's lap in years. (which both freaks me out and pisses me off). And his grand response, "you're a victim." ....... I just blinked at him and somehow managed not to yell..... to much...
I. Hate. Being. Called. A. Victim. ( I can not stress that enough)
A victim is someone who has no control over what happens to them and/or can not save themselves. (Or at least in my eyes) I stopped being that awhile ago. I will honestly tell you that that part of my past was not my fault. It doesn't always feel that way, but I know it to be true.
If you are going to label me about my past. Call me a Survivor or something. Because I lived though it, still am somedays. When you label me a victim it chains me to being that weak and helpless. The past did that to me already, I don't need you to as well.
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